


Im So In Love I Dont Know What To Do

by Skamtrash



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Cheating, Infidelity, Insecure Isak, M/M, Mentions of Sex, they really love each other though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-12 13:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9074842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skamtrash/pseuds/Skamtrash
Summary: Even screwed up when he was drunk and cant hold out from telling Isak any longer.





	1. Chapter 1

Even felt like shit. It was the only word his brain can come with in, tracking his vocab in Norwegian and a bit of English, he couldnt find any other word to explain how he felt right now. He did the worst thing he could ever do this moment in his life. Hurt the only person that unconditionally loved him. He cheated on Isak.

Even went to a party some people in his year invited him to. Even invited Isak as well but the younger boy chose to stay in with his roommates. Even was drunk that night and awfully lonely and he is always a bit not himself when he's drunk. A girl made it known that she was keen on hooking up with him and he coped with Isak not being there by doing just that. And really, just fuck him for thinking anyone can compare to giving him what Isak does.

This left Even standing near the school, watching Isak talking amongst his circle of friends. Even was incredibly anxious but he had held it from him for almost a week. Isak had told him what happened to Eva their first year. He was not going to let it get out before he told Isak himself. He took a breath and walked over to Isak and his friends. Isak caught his eye middway over and smiled. 

As Even reached him, he leaned down and kissed his lips and said Hello to all his friends.

"Can I talk to you?" Even asked. "Yeah, sure whats up?" Isak asked.

"Alone?" He asked softly. Isak's eyes filled with a bit of confusion and smirked a little, curious as to why Even needed privacy to talk to him. "Oh...kay." He said. "I'll see you guys later." He said towards his friends and walked away with Even.

They sat on some steps, still remaining in the courtyard but away from any crowds. "Whats up?" Isak asked turning his body to face towards Even. He saw Even rub his face and let out a deep breath. Isak took hold of Even's face and turned it to face him, "Why are you acting so weird?" Isak asked.

"I have to tell you something." Even said. Isak nodded slowly, "Okay, what?"

"So you know how--um, there was the party Friday but you stayed home with your roommates." Isak nodded, urging Even to go on.

"I-um--I was drunk and I shouldnt have..." Even didn't get to finish before Isak looked up to him and shook his head slowly, "No..no, you didnt. Say it Even, what did you do?" Isak asked wanting to hear his words confirming it for himself.

Even grabbed Isak's hands, "I slept with someone else, Im so sorry." He answered. Isak pulled his hands away aggressively, "You fucked another guy? And it took you a week to tell me?" Isak asked, eyebrows lowered in question with a look of disgust on his face.  And Even never felt so much like shit. Like he had no purpose. Because he couldn't even stay within the own gender of his boyfriend. He slept with a girl.

Even shook his head, "Calm down please." He said making sure Isak didnt blow up after filling him on more information, not blaming him though if he did. "Baby, It--it wasn't a guy."  He said.

The words processed in Isak's head and it didnt take him long to figure out what Even meant by that."What the fuck, Even?  A girl, are you serious?" He asked.

"You know Im bi, it's not far out of an idea, is it?" Even replied, a little taken aback with Isak's questionable attitude about it being a girl.

"Why wouldnt you just call me if you were feeling like having sex with somebody? And then you have sex with a girl? Do you miss fucking girls or something?" Isak asked, speaking up the thoughts that came to his head.

"No, thats not it at all." Even answered quickly. "She gave me attention, I was drunk and that was it. It had nothing to do with her gender. I promise. It was an accident" 

Isak sighed and rubbed his face and stood up, pacing back and forth, "I just dont get how you can accidentally put your dick in someone else but like sorry I dont understand." Isak said the last part sarcastically though his voice was laced with venom.

"I dont know what to say so you understand that I didnt mean it." Even said.

"I wish you didnt fucking do it, Even!!!" He replied. It took Isak so long to get to this point. Being comfortable in himself, being gay, being out, being affectionate with his boyfriend in public. He had been happy, so proud of himself and content. And then the supposedly the man of his dreams pulls this shit. "Why would you want to ruin this?" Isak asked, voice breaking.

"Im so sorry. I love you." Even stood up taking Isak in his arms, wrapping him up and burying his face in his hair. He felt his shirt getting wet with tears and kissed Isak's head repeatedly, ""Im sorry, please dont cry."

Isak pulled back from Even's chest not making eye contact, "Am I--Am I not satisfying you enough, like in bed?" Isak asked softly, his insecurities showing a bit. "Do you want to be with a girl?"  He asked seriously.

Even shook his head, "I dont want to be with a girl or anyone else and you _are_ satisfying me. More than enough." Even answered, wanting him to understand that his idiotic move had nothing to do with their relationship and Even's satisfaction in it.

"Then what am I doing wrong?" Isak's voice whimpered with tear filled eyes, begging him for answers. "Im trying, Even. I've never done this before. And then you fucking cheat on me." He sighs, letting out a deep breath and looks away from him, running his fingers through his hair.

"Isak." He said, holding his face by his chin, "What I did has nothing to do with how I feel in this relationship.  You are doing everything right and Im so happy with you. And I know you're trying and Im so grateful and I love you so much. And this was me being drunk and giving attention to anyone who gave attention to me. I swear it had nothing to do with how I feel for you. Okay? Nothing." He said honestly, caressing Isak's face.

Isak bit his inner lip and shrugged, "It wasnt even like you kissed her, Even. You slept with her." He said, rolling his eyes. Every second he thought maybe he can understand where Even is coming from and then there's an image in his head of what happened and he gets angry and upset all over again.

"I dont know what to say for you to understand that I'm sorry and I still love you." Even replied. "Can we do minute by minute. Just breathe and stop overthinking and we'll get through this. If you still want me."  Even said nervously.

Isak let tears fall from his face and looked down, breaking eye contact with Even, "Im so damn in love with you, I dont know what to do." Isak cried.

Even interlocked their hands, "Stay with me, we can go to my house, eat and talk and we can figure out where to go from there. Just dont leave me." 

Isak kissed Even's lip and let go of his fingers, "I have to think about it. I dont know how  I can trust you so you have to give me time." Isak said.

Even shook his head as his eyes filled with tears, "Dont do this, please."

"I can't act like everything is okay, Even. You fucked up." He said looking up at him. "You want me to stay and then always worry when youre not with me that youre sleeping with someone else?"

Even wiped his tears and nodded, "Just text or call me when you're ready. Baby, I'll be waiting. Okay? I love you"

Isak nodded and turned away, "love you too." he said quietly as he walked away. Hoping his brain would eventually follow his heart and learn to trust this boy again. Because now that he knew a life with him, he didnt want one without him.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as Isak left Even, texted Jonas asking where they were, intending to meet up with them. He knew if he went home now with no one being there, he was going to sulk about it and overthink and he wanted to avoid that as long as possible. 

Isak took the bus to Jonas's house, taking the lift up and opening the front door that was often left unlocked during daylight. 

Isak walked into the boys playing FIFA in the living room. Mahdi noticed him first and turned to him as his fingers continued to move the buttons on the controller. 

"Whats up, bro? Everything was good with Even? Did he try to get you alone to get that dick" he said as the other boys laughed out. 

Isak laughed lightly to himself , if only it was that simple. He leaned against the wall next to the TV and shook his head, "He cheated on me" Isak finally said 

All boys looked up to him at once, eyes widened, fingers ceases on the controller.

"What?"Jonas was the one to ask. "Did he have sex with someone else?" Magnus asked obnoxiously. 

Isak looked down trying to stop the tears threatening to pour again and nodded, "Yeah"

"Dude, what the fuck? Are you serious?" Jonas asked utterly shocked and in disbelief because he hasn't met two people in love more than those two.

Isak nodded, "Thats why he wanted to talk to me alone." He answered honestly.

"Dude, Im gonna fuck him up when I see him. What the fuck is wrong with him?" Jonas questioned, voice filled with despise. "How dare he do that to you?" 

Isak shook his head, "Dont fight him or anything. I--I just dont know what to do." He said truthfully. 

"You didnt dump his ass?"  Jonas immediately questioned. Isak knew why Jonas was so insisting upon hating Even. The same shit happened to him in first year with Eva and he was so betrayed and he's living it again through his best friend. So its really not his fault he wants to knock Even's teeth out.

Isak shrugged, "I told him I needed time to think about it. I--I dont want to end this. I like being with him so much but also I dont know how Im gonna do that without going crazy thinking he'll do it again." He answered. 

The other three boys were silent still a bit shocked, as Magnus spoke up, "Did he tell you when and stuff? What are the details?"

"He went to that party with some people from his year, was drunk, this girl came onto him, he was horny and had sex with her." Isak shrugged, "Thats it." 

"It was a girl? Dude, do you think he's been thinking about Sonja all the times you were with him?" Magnus asked wide eyed to Mahdi who muttered a "Shut up, why would you say that?"

Isak nodded and pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in it, no longer holding back into the tears threatening to fall. Jonas got up and tapped Isak's back, "Come with me." Jonas said leading him to his room. Isak got up and followed as Jonas closed the door behind them.

" I figured it would be a lot easier to deal with without telling all of us at once especially with Magnus' lack of a filter." Jonas said as he hopped onto his bed. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

Isak sat on the bed, his back against the post and cried again. "Fuck, how am I still crying?" He rhetorically said aloud, wiping his eyes. "And I dont know, I feel like shit. I still dont get it, like why he did it. And if he was horny, he could of called me. And if he made out with someone, I wouldnt care, you know? Like we've all done it. But he had sex with someone else. That doesnt just happen. How do you get through that whole thing without thinking once, 'Hmm, maybe I should stop because I have a boyfriend at home'. It makes me feel like Im doing something wrong, like Im not enough." Isak answered honestly, knowing his best friend wouldn't give him shit for being so soft. 

 Jonas played with the thread of his blanket an nodded, "He's wrong and he's an ass for doing it. And I wanna fuck him up so bad. But this probably doesnt have to do with how good of a boyfriend you are. He was an ass, didnt think twice and fucked it up. He should be feeling sorry for himself that he messed this up, not you." Jonas said. 

Isak nodded, "I know and it wasnt easy for me to say I needed a break right now. We havent spent a night without each other in months. I dont know how what to do, I love him so much, Jonas." Isak cried. "I dont want to break up with him but--"

"Take your time." Jonas interrupted. "You dont have to make any decisions right now.  It just happened, ya know? Youre overwhelmed, hurt and not thinking properly. Fuck him. And in a couple of weeks when youre a little more calm, figure out what you want to do, yeah?" 

Isak nodded, "Thanks bro." 

Jonas smiled and patted his knee, rising from the bed, "Now lets go kick their asses in FIFA" Isak laughed and got up to follow Jonas back into the living room.

\----------------------

It has been about 5 weeks since Isak last spoken to Even. Even had texted him a couple of times with messages such as, _Ready to talk?_ or _I miss falling asleep next to you_ and that would only make  Isak start crying again. 

He had seen Even a couple of times in the hall and gave quick smiles and kept it moving. He had spoken to Eskild about it as well. Eskild noticed after a week that Even wasn't coming around as much as he was prior and approached him about it. Isak filled him in on what happened and Eskild's first response, verbatim was "That piece of shitfuck, End it."  It made Isak laughed but he couldnt do it. He was too fucking gone for this boy to have it end like this.

Isak had even received a text from Even's mom saying that the boy was struggling without him. After about the 6th week, Isak figured he could at least give Even a talk, even if it didnt end up going anywhere. Some conversation between the two will hopefully cut the tension between them every time they passed each other.

He texted him around 14:00 with a, _You can come over after school  if you want to talk._

Before even putting his phone back in his pocket, Isak received a text back, _I'll be there at 16:00_

_\--------------------_

Isak was lying on his bed, scrolling through Facebook on his laptop as he heard his front door buzz. He shut his laptop and tried to get rid of the nerves that were arriving in his stomach. As many times as he had Even over, he had never been this nervous. And it wasnt a _good_ kind of nervous. It was the _Im trying to hold back from killing you because I hate that I still love you_ nervous. Isak left his room and head to the front door, unlocking it, letting Even in as the taller boy walked to Isak's bedroom.

"Hey Eskild." He said as the boy was lying on the couch watching Kardashians. "Fuck you, you're lucky I even let you back in this house after the shit you pulled on Isak." Eskild responded confidently, looking up at the boy. Even sighed, not responding and continued to walk into Isak's room. Isak began to follow as Eskild interrupted him, "Dont sleep with him. Dont do any stupid shit. Make him pay." Eskild said, tone and volume of voice remaining the same, not caring if Even heard. Isak nodded and laughed, "I'll be fine." He said as he followed the path towards his room and closed the door behind them.

As Isak sat down on the bed next to Even, his phone dinged interrupting the second of silence. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

From Eskild: _Let me know if I need to fuck shit up_

Isak smiled to himself, grateful that he had such supportive people around him and dropped his phone on his bed, looking up at Even, "How have you been?" He asked.

Even shrugged, staring out to the wall across from his bed, "I've been better. Missing you."  He answered honestly turning back to Isak. Isak nodded and looked down to his lap and ran his fingers through his hair, not even knowing what to say. The boy in front of him felt like a complete stranger right now, this feeling was so foreign to him. Even interrupted the silence and touched Isak's knee lightly as he jerked it away. Even sighed and asked, "Have you been thinking...about what you want?" 

Isak nodded, "And everyone has been telling me to end this." Even let out a deep breath and looked down, nodding and wiped his red eyes, "Is that what you are going to do?" He asked. "Let it end like this?"

Isak's head jerked back a bit, "Am I gonna let it end like this? Even, I didnt fuck anyone else."

"I know, Im sorry. I just meant---like are you gonna listen to everyone else or to how you feel?"

"Well if I would have listened to how I felt 6 weeks ago, I would of fucking killed you." Isak answered honestly and Even nodded in response, " I dont blame you."

As silence fell among them, Isak was trying to find the right words to say. "What--um what would you do? If you were in my position--If I cheated on you?" He asked, wanting an honest answer from him.

Even shook his head and shrugged, "I cant even imagine it."

Isak shook his head and laughed, "Thats pretty ironic." Even looked up at him, seeing hurt in his eyes. 

"Isak, I just want you to know that that shit will never ever happen again if we keep doing this. I am so in love with you and would never do anything to damage that again, okay? I'll prove it everyday if you need me to. But these past couple of weeks, being without you. Not falling asleep next to you, not waking up to cook you breakfast, not seeing you smile everyday, not being able to say i love you. That was torture for me. For me to realize life without you and I dont want that. And I hope you dont either." He confessed.

"Dont do it!!!" He heard on the other side of the door and laughed to himself, "Eskild, go away."

He heard Eskild walk away from the door, "I dont want to be without you and I did miss you, but this isnt easy for me."

Even nodded, "I know and you can take more time if you need.  I'll always be waiting for you. I need you." Even said, voice cracking in desperation. Isak rubbed his head in indecisiveness. "Im gonna look like such an ass to everyone if I get back with you." He said honestly.

"Fuck them." Even said honestly and firmly. "This is not about them, its about us. Isak, if you want this, if you want to be with me, who cares what they have to say? We could work on us , without a third opinion." Even sighed and pulled out a small piece of paper and handed it to Isak.

Isak looked at him confused and unraveled the layers of folds and looked down at the words on the paper, "You wrote this?" Isak asked and Even nodded. 

_For Isak:_

_I've been hanging on to every single word_

_And every moment lost are just misunderstood_

_And I don't think I've ever been this nervous_

_But you wrap your arms around my heart just like you always do_

_And the light in your eyes Is my only truth_

_And wherever I've been I'll come running back to you_

_And if you decide That you needed proof Well with all I had left_

_I would give it all for you, With all I had left_

Isak looked back up at Even with teary eyes as Even mouthed a, "Im so in love you." And Isak lost control of his tears as they fell down his face and leaned into wrap his arms around Even, who didnt hesitate in putting just as much passion into their first hug in over a month.

 

Isak pulled back from the hug, leaning his back against his bed post, wiping his wet face. " This is not going to be easy. You have to prove all those words to me. And if I ever feel like you prove to me youre sorry and that you're not going to be an ass again, then we'll see" He said. He couldn't help himself. This boy made him weak and he knew he loved him. It's the first guy he been with. It could of been worst, he could of been sober, it could have been an ongoing thing, Even could have not been unapologetic and not cared at all. He knew how hard finding love was and he felt he had it and wouldn't let go it that easily. 

Even tried to hold back a smile and nodded, "Okay." He responded lovingly. "I'll prove it to you. You just wait."

Isak smiled and nodded, "Okay, but for now." He said getting up to open his door, "You can go and figure out what youre going to do to make this work again." Even nodded and leaned down to kiss Isak's cheek before walking towards the front door.

"Bye Eskild." Even said. Eskild flipped him off as Even left, closing the door behind him. Eskild walked towards room to see Isak lying down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling, "What happened?"

"We're not back together but I gave him a chance to figure it out. To prove it. So we'll see." Isak answered. Eskild raised his eyebrows, "And you have faith in him?"

Isak nodded, "Deep deep down, its there." He said. The love and faith he had for this boy couldn't go away that quickly.  It may have been masked with distrust, disgust and anger but it was still there and hopefully Even would uncover it eventually. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Isak hadn't hung out with Even or spoke to him in person since the day they talked at his house. Even had texted him several times, saying Good Morning or I love you but so far the space that remained between them before the talk was the same and Isak was a bit confused. Maybe Even realized he didnt want to be put effort into this anymore and it wasnt worth it. Whatever it, Isak was trying not to overthink it and let it slide and continued to live life normally.

Jonas was on his way to Norwegian when he felt someone pull his arm into the staircase, "What the fuck?" He yelled about to punch the person that was trying to hurt him before he looked up, realizing it was Even. "What do you want?" Jonas knew. He knew Even hadn't spoken much to Isak after their talk and wasnt trying as much as Isak expected and was being a real shithead.

"I-I've been driving myself crazy for this past week trying to figure out what to do to get Isak back. And I wanted your help. Im confused and overwhelmed and everything I come up with feels like shit and I'm really desperate for some help. Would you be willing to help me?" Even asked without taking a breath.

Jonas raised his eyebrows, "What the hell would I do? I dont know how to help you."

"Just like giving me ideas, telling me stuff I may not know to surprise him, I dont know Jonas." Even said desperately. Jonas let out a breath and nodded, "Isak wanted you to figure it out to show you want to make it work it work and youre gonna try. Im not going to help you because then you're getting out of this easy. And I want you to pay just as much as Isak wants you to so Im sorry but you have to do it on your own." He patted his shoulder as he headed up the steps towards his class. 

Even sighed as his head fell back against the wall and muttered a, "Fuck me" to himself as he left to go to class.

\-------------------------------

Even was at home, writing out ideas to figure out how to prove to Isak that he wanted this to work between and wasnt a complete shithead. Someone knocked on his door and he said come in, as he saw his little 10 year old sister walk into the room, "Hey Camilla" He said excitedly, pulling her in for a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Mom and dad let me come up to see you as we were nearby." She smiled and sat down in his lap, "What are you doing?" She questioned pointing at all the papers on the floor. She ruffled through the papers and looked back up at her brother, "What's these things?" 

"Its just Im writing some ideas out. You know how I have a boyfriend?" He asked. "Or had, I dont know." He uttered the last part softly as Camilla nodded. "Well, I really hurt him and Im trying to show him I still love him so Im trying to figure out what to do." He explained simply enough for her to understand.

"Why dont you just give each other kisses and there, problem solved." Even laughed at her innocence, it was precious, "I wish it was that easy. Any other ideas?" 

Camilla shrugged, "I dont know Even, you're older, you should know. Just remind him that you love him is all." She smiled and pecked his cheek, "I have to go back down. Love you, Even"

"Love you too." He shouted back as his sister ran out the house.

\---------------------------------

His sister was the little bit of recharge he needed after feeling so overwhelmed with the ideas and possibilities. He began writing ideas out and planning them all for different days, hoping it would all result in being able to call Isak his again.

The first day of his plan, Even had simply had flowers and chocolate covered strawberries sent to Isak. Isak was in biology when his teacher called his name. He looked up, told Sana he'll be right back and walked up to the front of the classroom. She gestured towards the uniformed man at the door holding a bouquet of flowers and chocolate strawberries. Isak's eyes widened as he walked over to the man,"Those are mine?" He questioned.

"Are you Isak?" The delivery man asked. He nodded and placed the gifts in Isak's hands and walked away.  Isak still a bit confused, took them back to his desk and realized their was a card in the bouquet. He opened it and began reading,

 _A little something to start this journey of getting you to trust me again. I hope you enjoy the strawberries and flowers. I tried to get as many as possible, an infinite amount ;) But this will have to_ do. _Isak in another universe has infinite. We'll get there one day_

_-Even_

Isak smiled to himself and placed the card back in the flowers and looked back up at Sana who was suggestively giving him a smirk. He shook his head and returned back to his work.

\--------------------------

On a Thursday night, Isak was home trying to get it all his work done that was due the next day. He was interrupted when  Eskild knocked on his door, he looked up, "Im really busy right now." He said unfortunately.

"Yeah well, Even is at the front door." 

"What?" Isak asked shocked, "Really?" Eskild nodded and raised his brows, "So are you going to see him or should I tell him to go?"

Isak shook his head, "I'll see what he wants." He set his laptop aside and rose from his bed and went to their front door. He opened it and saw Even standing there dressed in a button down and jeans with a card in his hand, "What are you doing?" Isak asked.

"I wanted to take you out, if youre not busy." Even said hopeful. "I am, I have a lot of work to do." Isak replied truthfully.

"Come with me please." Even begged, "I'll have you back by 10 and you can finish your work." Even recommended. Isak stared at him questionably, debating in his head if it was worth it, "Okay, just give me a second to get dressed." Even nodded, "Here you go, I'll wait downstairs" He handed the card to him as Isak thanked him,and retreated towards his room. Isak sat on his bed and took the card out of the envelope.

There was a picture taped down on the left side of a text message thread between Even and what appeared to be his mother.

It read:

_Mom:  How's school, baby?"_

_Even: It's going good. Adjusting well, met some cool people._

_Mom: And Sonja?_

_Even: I dont know...I may have a thing for someone else. His name is Isak and I dont know, mom. I just, Im really happy around him and I dont want her anymore. Isak makes me feel so happy, I really like him...I think Im in love with him, maybe."_

_Mom: Sweetie, do what makes your heart happy. If being with this boy makes you happy, dont quit until you are._

On the right side of the card was Even's handwriting, " _This text was a little after I cooked you breakfast for the first time and we listened to Gabrielle in the kitchen. I knew I couldnt give up on what we had so easily. And you make me happy and I want to be with you, and Im gonna listen to my mom and not quit until I am. Love you infinite._ "

Isak placed the card next to the card he received with the flowers. He didnt know what to think. Had Even really felt love for Isak back then, enough to tell his mom? His head was racing and he didnt know how he should feel. He ignored his feelings and changed into some black skinny jeans and a black button down, ruffled his hair quickly before grabbing his phone and keys and leaving the house, heading downstairs. As he reached outside, he noticed Even leaning against a black car and stopped in his tracks, "You drive?" Isak asked.

"Not often but I do. Its my mom's car." He replied as he opened the door to the passenger seat. Isak smiled and hopped in the car, Even closing the door after him. Even walked around to the other side of the car and hopped in, buckling his seat belt. "I um--I read your card." Isak spoke up.

"Yeah?" Even asked, rising his eyebrows. Isak nodded, looking back at him, "I appreciate it, thank you." Even was hoping for a kiss of appreciation but wasn't going to push his luck. He was lucky enough that Isak was ditching his work to come out with him. Even drove off and within about 15 minutes, they had arrived at their destination.

Even led the way to a building that Isak was unfamilar with. He looked at Even confused, asking for answers but he refused to give any. As the elevator was taking them up to the top floor, Even softly touched Isak hands, "How are you feeling?"

Isak knew Even was referencing the state of their relationship. He shrugged, looking down at their interlocked hands, "I'm fine I guess." Even lifted Isak's head up to look back at him, "I love you." He said.

Isak nodded in response, "I know." He replied as the doors to the top floor opened. Even lead them out and up one flight of steps before unlocking a metal door, leading to the rooftop. He stepped out and the boys were hit with the beautiful lights and scenery of Oslo at night. Isak noticed blankets covered the rooftop floors, along with beer and food and yellow flowers. Isak heard music playing as well and realizing it was NWA and laughed at himself, ""Romantic." He said to Even jokingly. Isak tried to not smile like an idiot to himself. He was happy and thankful, he was just very appreciative of this moment.

Even shrugged, "I know you love them." He walked over to the blankets and sat on top of it as Even followed behind him, sitting down, "I put yellow flowers because you know--we dont have yellow curtains." Isak shook his head and laughed, "I like this, this is fine." Isak answered truthfully. 

Even took the food out of the bag and pulled out pasta noodles with a side of fresh bread and gave Isak's bowl to him. "I cut up some pieces of cardamom and chili if you want to you know---put some on there." He smiled. Isak blushed and nodded, "Thank you." They continued to eat and speak a little more than they did when they met up, the tension a little less intense than earlier. 

"Do you want a slice of cake? I made it." Even said raising his eyebrows. Isak nodded as Even pulled the slice out of the bag. He grabbed another fork and took a small piece and held it out to Isak. Isak's eyes squinted a bit, questioning Even's actions but leaned in anyway and took the bite of the cake, "Mhmm, thats good."

Even smiled proudly, "I know." He smiled and they continued to finish the slice of cake. Even lied down on the blanket and looked up at Isak who was still sitting up, "You want to lay down with me?" He asked, holding his arms out. Isak hesitantly leaned down and rested against Even's chest. Isak looked up to Even, chin resting on his chest, "I appreciate all of this, you know?" 

Even smiled down at him and ran his hands along his back, "Im glad. I just want to show you Im trying and I hope you forgive me." Even replied. Isak nodded and turned back to rest his head on Even's chest. Soon, Isak sat up, looking down at Even, "I think we should head back" and they did just that.

\----------------------------

Throughout the week, Isak repeatedly found different cards in his locker and in his coat. Even had giving him little gifts, bought and homemade that connected to something Isak and him had spoken about, the movie he told Isak he would make him, a list of the things that made Even fall in love with him, so on and so forth. 

 

Isak was in his 4th hour class when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and pulled up a text from Even,

_**Even** : The bench we met at, 8pm!_

_**Isak:** Are you going to fill me in as to why?_

_**Even:** Just come please_

 

Isak was in his bathroom in his apartment fixing up his hair a bit, making sure he looked decent. He finished buttoning the buttons his on his plaid shirt as Eskild walked by the bathroom, "Where are you heading off to?"

"Even wants to show me something, I dont know." He replied. Eskild nodding his head in understanding, "Where do you guys stand?" Isak faced Eskild for the first time since he sparked conversation, "I dont know. I dont know what Im doing to be honest, Im just going along with it."

Eskild gave him a smile, "I know I was really anti-Even but whatever you do, Im happy for you." Isak nodded and thanked him before turning off the light in the bathroom and gathering his keys and phone and leaving his house. It was already 8pm and Isak hopped on the next bus and head towards the school bench they first had a conversation at. He hopped off the bus and walked to the bench and saw Even sitting there in dressed bands, a white button down and unbuttoned dress jacket and felt his cheeks heat up as how handsome this boy was.  Even stood up and gave Isak a hug, "Was starting to think you werent going to show."

Isak shrugged, "Thought about it but Im here. Why did you want me to come?" He asked looking up towards him and down at his fit, "I feel under dressed."

Even shook his head, "You look good." He said and he pulled a boombox from behind the bench and pressed play, as Tonight by Lykee Li played on the vintage machine. Isak looked at hm confused, "Whats going on?"

"I want you to dance with me." He pulled Isak by his arm to wrap his own around the smaller boy's waist as the music played in the background. 

_i know you're right behind me_  
  
_and don't you let me go, let me go tonight_  
_don't you let me go, let me go tonight_  
_don't you let me go, let me go tonight_

The night air was very quiet besides them on the street dancing to the song, faces buried into each other's shoulders as they spun to the rhythm of the song. "I hope everything I did is enough to earn your trust back." Even whispered in his ear. He didnt hear a reply and pulled back a little to look at Isak's face, "Isak?"

Isak bit his lip nervously and shrugged, being as honest as possible with  Even, "I dont know. Its not that---everything you did was incredible and I loved it and under any other circumstance, I would have  been all over this and so giddy and happy. And I am happy you put so much effort in but you know--its--its still there. In the back of mind." He answered with heartfelt eyes. His voice lowered as he murmured, "And if we ever have sex again, I know all Im going to be thinking is about is you with someone else."

Even nodded and wiped his wet cheeks, "So what do you want to do?"

Isak sighed and sat on the bench, rubbing his face in hopes it would clear his head a bit, give him some answers.  As Isak was thinking, he heard screams and hollers come down the street and saw his friends, Mahdi, Magnus, Jonas, Sana and Eva holding up white poster board paper. They all ran up to Isak and held up their sign in the order they practiced as it read, "Do you forgive me?" with Eva holding up the question mark. Even widened his eyes, trying to convey to them that they should leave and that the plan wasnt going as he hoped but Isak looked up at him and back at his friends awkwardly. "Um guys." Even cleared his throat and spoke up, "This um--"

"Did we do it wrong? You said come out when the song finished." Magnus chimed in.

"I know--I just, Isak hasn't figured out what he wants yet." He replied as they all looked back and forth between the boys awkwardly. "Got cha." Magnus mouthed loudly and gestured to the other direction which he guided the rest of the group in. Jonas stayed behind and walked up to Isak, "You okay, bro?" He asked as Isak's hands were buried in his hands. Isak shook his head, looking up at  Jonas, "Give us a minute?" Jonas asked Even, who nodded and walked away a bit to give them some space.

"Whats going on? I thought you wanted to make this work last time we talked about this. Its the only reason I went through with his plan." Jonas said, hoping Isak know they werent trying to put him on the spot, they all thought Isak was keen on making it work again with Even.

"I did want it to make it work but I keep thinking about it, driving myself crazy and I dont know what I want. I would never do something like that to him, Jonas." He answered frustrated, trying to stop tears from leaving his eyes again. 

"What changed from last time?" He asked. Isak looked in the direction of Even and back at Jonas, "Im not going to be able to forget."

"Its not about forgetting, Isak. Youre never going to forget but forgiving and learning from it is where you should be at. Im not trying to convince you to get back together or break up. But I think what you had with him was special.You were incredibly happy, and I spoke to him about it, I dont know if you know but I dont see him hurting you like that ever again. Its up to you but finding what you guys have is so rare and that type of love is going to have bumps in the roads or giant hills but dude, I think its worth it. I only ended it with Eva back then because she was a completely different person than I fell in love with. Your Even is still there.  If anything, if it happens again which I swear it wont because I'll kill him before it does, then you know this is not for you but I dont think you should end it. But its not my choice to make." Jonas said, hoping his words would ease the stress Isak was feeling. He nodded and gave Jonas a hug, "Thanks, needed that."  Jonas stood up and left in the other direction as he gestured to Even that he was good to go.

Even walked back over to Isak and sat down on their bench, "Isak, if you dont want to be with me, I dont want you to feel pressured or anything. But  I do really love you and I wish this was all enough to make you realize but I tried and um--Im sorry about what happened and I hope you can give me another chance, one more is all I ask. If you want to." He pleaded. 

Isak looked up at Even's face and he knew how much he wanted this. He didnt doubt that Even wanted to make it work. They didnt come this far to only come this far. He leaned into Even's face and softly rubbed his nose against Even's which earned him a smile. He leaned in and gave him several soft and quick kisses and looked back up again, "One more time, Even and thats it." Even's face turned red and his smile was so big that Isak could barely see his eyes. Even picked Isak up and spun him around, laughing, "Thats all I need." Even responded as he leaned down to give a loving kiss to his boy, "I swear the Isak and Even in other universes cant compare to the love I have for you." Isak laughed and smiled, giving him another kiss. Even bent down, telling Isak to hop on his back and that he'll take him back home. Isak laughed and hopped on Even's back, "Youre so stupid." He joked. Even leaned back and kissed Isak's cheek, "Was, but not anymore." He answered as he ran off to the distance with his boy on his back and knew this was it for them. They were it for each other and their infinity is all they needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be one more chapter, an epilogue!


	4. Epilogue

It had been a month since Even and Isak picked things back up after Isak forgave him. If Isak was honest, they have been so good lately, possibly even better than they were before their break and he was grateful. Even had been really honest with him more than ever lately to build their trust back up. They were good. Things were good. 

They were at a party over at Eva's. The couple were sitting on the couch with all their friends piled next to them, with red solo cups in their hand. Even being the exception, choosing to cut down his alcohol intake lately. 

"What are you guys up to for the rest of the weekend?" Magnus asked, sitting on the arm of the couch, nudging at the couple. Even looked down at Isak and shrugged, "Probably just watch some films, chill." He replied. Magnus winked at Isak suggestively, trying to be subtle but failing unsurprisingly. Isak knew what Magnus was suggesting which made it uncomfortable for Isak because him and Even haven't done much of anything beyond a couple of blowjobs since rekindling things. Isak awkwardly looked away and sipped on his drink. He didn't feel much like drinking but it was keeping his hands busy so he tolerated it. 

"Do you want to dance a bit?" "Even asked Isak. Isak shrugged as Even stood up, bringing Isak with him. Even wrapped his arms around Isak's waist as Isak wrapped his own around his boy's neck. 

"You feeling okay?" Even asked looking down at Isak as they moved casually to the beat. Isak looked up at him and nodded, "Just thinking a lot, mom's been hassling me lately. Blowing up my phone." 

"I thought your dad was going to try to talk to her." Even questioned and Isak shrugged his shoulders, "I dont know if he did or not but she's so stubborn anyway so I doubt its going to do anything."

Even nodded, "Don't think about that now. Clear your mind and just enjoy the party, okay?" Even leaned down to give a soft kiss to Isak's neck, kissing up his neck to his cheek and pecked his lips. 

Isak gripped the back of Even's hair to keep Even's lips to his and deepened the kiss. Even moved his hands away from his boyfriend's waist up to his hold his face passionately. Isak pulled back softly, catching his breath and wiped his bottom lip with his thumb as he pulled his phone out of his pocket upon feeling the vibration.

 

He let out a sigh of frustration at the realization that the text was from his mother. He looked up at Even who nodded him along to read the message.  "I'll go get us bottles of water." Even left his boy alone as Isak unlocked his phone and read the message.

 

_How are you doing sweetie? I spoke to dad earlier. He told me about what happened with that boy. I'm sorry to hear that and he doesn't deserve you. Cheating is never okay and he is not meant for you. Get you a nice girl that will be honest and committed to you. Love you Isak . Hope to hear back from you soon._

Isak swallowed the lump in his throat as he cleared it and looked up at Even who had returned, "What? What did it say?" He shook his head and pocketed his phone, "Are you ready to go?"

Even's eyes filled with confusion. "You wanna leave now? Are you okay? Did she say something out of line?" He questioned a little worried.

"Babe, I'm fine." Isak said mildly frustrating, whilst enunciating each syllable. "Can we just go? Please?" Even could hear the fed up tone in Isak's voice and nodded immediately as Isak led the way out of the party.

\---------------------------

Isak was lying on his back on his bed listening to Bon Iver playing in the background whilst scrolling social media.  Drowning in his sadness was a thing. 

Even was lying next to him with his left arm lying over Isak's stomach. They had been sitting in a comfortable silence; Even waiting for Isak to speak and tell him whats going on but he hadn't said anything but Even could not take the silence. 

 Even took the phone out of Isak's hand lying it down on the bedside table. "Why did you jus---" Even slammed his lips to Isak's and moved slightly so his body was hovering over Isak. Isak wrapped his arms around Even's neck, bringing him closer to deepen the kiss.

After an exceptional amount of time kissing, sucking and prepping, Even reached over the table to pull a condom out of the drawer. He ripped open the package and slipped it on himself. As he hovered closer to Isak ready to make love to him, he felt Isak push against his chest. Even's brows furrowed in question, "Whats up?" He asked.

"We haven't had sex since--ya know so, I need to know--did you use a condom with her?" He asked awkwardly, biting the corner of his lip.

Even nodded, "Of course, I would never without one. You know that."

"Do I?" Isak grimaced. He thought he knew a lot of things about Even but that tragedy proved wrong. Isak was letting his mom's thoughts get into his head, he needed to forget about it and enjoying being with his boyfriend. Things were fine before she started contacting him again. 

Even kissed his cheek and whispered an _i love you_ in his ear in addition to a _can i?_   He felt Isak nod against his cheek and pushed into  Isak. Isak bit his lip as he let out a small whimper as his arms tightened around Even's neck, gripping the ends of his hair. Even rest each of his arms on either side of Isak's head as he thrusted into the smaller boy letting out soft moans. Isak kissed Even's lips and looked up at him, maintaining eye contact as Even picked up his pace, pounding into Isak.  As Isak felt Even pick up the pace, Isak was becoming more and more dazed out. He began to think about how Isak wasn't the last person he did this with. And if Even was drunk when he slept with that girl, how does he remember if they wore a condom or not. And he should tell Even to get tested. And what if... His mind was going off on  a tangent and he suddenly nudged Even, "Babe...Even, stop." Even looked down at his boy and stopped his ministrations. 

"Whats wrong?" He asked looking down at him. "Too much?"

Isak shook his head and looked down at Even still buried inside him and looked back up at him, "Pull out, I cant do this." Even looked at him confused and slowly did as he said, ridding himself of the condom. He looked back at Isak who was running his hands up and down his face. 

"Did I do something?" Even asked removing Isak's hands from his face. Isak reached to the floor to get his phone out of his jean pocket. After putting the message on the screen, he showed it to Even.

Isak watched Even's face as he read the message. He nodded and put the phone down, "You told your your dad? And do you think your mom is the right person to be listening to when she still can't even accept that you're gay."

"I told him because I figured he would give me an unbiased opinion. He doesn't know you so that wouldn't effect his judgement." He answered.

"Were you thinking of what happened while we were having sex?" Even asked  ignoring Isak's response as he finally understood why Isak interrupted them.

"I wasn't thinking about it _before_." Isak defended. "I was dealing with it and I was fine and things were good. And then she texted me that during the party and I just--just now, it was all I was thinking about and I was going to go soft anyway so I just--stopped you." He shared honestly. 

"Baby, what would you like me to do?" Even asked. "Im getting so frustrated, I feel like there's no going back to the way we were. We can't even--like I cant even make love to you without you thinking about her."

Isak sat up and resting his back against the headboard, "I know but I can't help it, Even."

Even took hold of Isak's legs and pulled him down aggressively so he was lying back down on the bed. He kissed his cheek, "How about I talk you through it? Keep your mind off it."

Isak blushed, looking up at Even, "You mean talk dirty to me?" He asked faking shocked. 

"Call it whatever you want." Even replied flirtatiously as he reached over to get another condom. "I haven't done this often so I might be shit at it but I'll try if it means we can keep having sex."

Isak stroked Even's dick to get him back up. Even lied Isak back down, put the condom on and pushed back into Isak. After several thrusts, Even asked Isak if he was okay. He shrugged, "Trying."

Even continued to move his hips as he sucked on Isak's neck, "I love making love to you, you feel so good on my dick, baby." Isak let out a laugh and pulled Even's head up, "Seriously? That was so bad."

"No, it wasn't." He defended. "That was basic stuff." He said as he gripped Isak's hips, and began pounding into him as both boys let out frequent moans, "I love how I can hold you so easily, so small, its so hot." Even moaned out as he took hold of Isak's neck and gripped it roughly, causing the heat between them to intensify. Isak felt it getting hot and heavy and Even's warm breath whispering sexual stuff into his ear wasn't helping slow down his orgasm.

Even leaned down to his ear, "You like feeling my dick inside you? You like getting fucked?" Even groaned as Isak didn't have the energy to make fun of Even's dirty talk and bit his lip as  Even thrusted into him, hitting his prostate as Isak moaned out a "Even, please. Right there."  

He leaned down to stroke his dick with one hand as he let out deep breaths as he looked down in between their bodies to see Even pounding into him. He gripped the sheets and groaned out a, "Fuuuck". His head fell back down on the bed, picking up the pace of his hand as Even continued to whisper dirty nothings into his ear. And Isak wasn't going to lie, it was getting hotter as he got closer. 

With a few last thrusts, Isak came in his hand and onto his and Even's stomach as he moaned out Even's name and tried to catch his breath. Even climbed on top of Isak, legs on either side of him as he got closer to his face, "Help me finish?" He asked as he pulled off the condom. 

Isak nodded as he pulled Even closer and leaned in to get his mouth on his erection. Even held onto the headboard as he thrusted into Isak's mouth, gripping his hair. The view of Isak's mouth wide open, his cheeks tinted red, strings of hair in different directions was the all Even needed to finish. He pulled out of Isak's mouth as streaks of cum fell on the boy's chest. 

Even collapsed next to Isak and took a t shirt to wipe their stomachs clean as he pulled the boy closer to him, "So it worked?"  He teased. Isak chuckled and playfully pushed Even's face, "Shut up."

"You were so feeling that dirty talk, I could tell." Isak took the pillow from underneath his face and threw it at Even, "Shut up, I wasnt."

Even laughed, pulling Isak closer, "It's okay, it was really really hot." He smiled and pecked Isak's lips. "I love you, only you. You know that right?  And I hope you don't think that we're not deserving of each other." He mentioned as he thought about the text message that made him uneasy before.

Isak shook his head, "It's okay, I know I want to be with you. And thats all that matters. Not her opinion, or my dad's or my friends. Just mine and yours." Even smiled and nodded and kissed Isak again. They were so content being with each other. Without other forces and voices trying to keep them apart, they will always and forever come up and end up here, right back in Isak's bad, cuddling and in love. In every universe. 

 


End file.
